everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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