you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
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I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize