I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
