your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
