Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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