He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
