It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize