dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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