Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
