one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
