i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
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Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
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We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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