it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
