i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
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there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
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but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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