Will you blow on my dice?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
this hospital has no fireball
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
