ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
