i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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