Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
