Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i think i scared a bird with my dick
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I can't put those talents on a resume
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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