a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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