I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize
