i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Couch. On fire.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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