Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
