oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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