ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
