I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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