btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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