I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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