So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
