wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
