is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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