my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
