in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
