I just saw a hot homeless man
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
