I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
