If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
