dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
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Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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