eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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