How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just want nice things and good sex
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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