The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
