well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
