i don't plan on having that self control this summer
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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