My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
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