420 ftw
My brain says no but my pants say off.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
