my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
