I feel great
I just peed on a car
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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