I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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