I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
