I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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