Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
