very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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