My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
