never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
