I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
