He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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