I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Sext me about skeletons
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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