Sry I called you an 8
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
