Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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