It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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