Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
