I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
