Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
So squirting runs in the family.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize