Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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