even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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