he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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