Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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