Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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