oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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