wakey wakey hands off snakey
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
