You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
