I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
