I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
