She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
