I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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