You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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