I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
