dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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