i jhust puked up my retainher.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
