I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
